Do not take on other people’s problems - focus on yourself - by Schnurman

It is very easy to get distracted and upset by both big and little things in life. There is a story that helps to reframe people, situations and interactions. A Mayan fisherman is boating on a river when he sees another boat heading his direction. At first he is unconcerned, but he then realizes that the boat is coming right at him. Fixated on the other boat he begins yelling, “Watch out! Change direction! You are going to hit me!” However, as the boat just continues coming at him faster and faster the fisherman redoubles his efforts to get the other boat to switch direction. The fisherman was standing up in his boat, screaming to no avail as the boat smashed into him. The fisherman immediately realized that the boat was empty, and simply broke free from its moorings. So, what is the moral of the story?  Life is full of empty boats, and we cannot let empty boats impact our decision-making process. Empty boats float without control, and hit anything in their way. People are like that as well. When a person re-trades, fails to show up to a meeting, misleads or badmouths others they are not doing it to you; they are doing it because that is the Modus Operandi. Remember, how someone behaves reflects who he or she is, and not who you are.  Getting mad at people and situations only negatively impacts you. When you get into disagreements it is important to remember that you don’t need to like, admire or agree with that person. Accept people and situations as they are, and don’t make the craziness of others your own. The cause of anger is usually not the other person – he or she is simply the trigger. Our anger is often caused because we are upset with ourselves. Next time an interaction goes poorly, we should look in the mirror and take responsibility. What could you have done differently? How could you have managed the situation differently?  Instead of beating yourself up or projecting you anger on others we should try learning something, and move on. Remember all of life is dealing with empty boats, so do not take on other people’s problems and focus on yourself. It will not help you to get upset. Mark Schnurman is the chief sales officer, principal at Eastern Consolidated, New York, N.Y.