Edward Smith, Jr., Smith Commercial Real EstateThis column is offered to help educate agents new to commercial and investment brokerage and serve as a review of basics for existing practitioners.
A UCLA research study on feelings: investigating “instantly” liking or disliking someone, found first impressions were based on 55% body movements (face, arms…), 38% voice, tone, modulation, and pauses, and 7% words. Words become much more important as relationships grow, but body language and voice are still major parts of communication. The non-verbal signals given off by facial expressions and bodily gestures may be conscious or unconscious; it is often instinctive, not intentional, which is why it is so revealing. Often a handshake begins a conversation or relationship; is it weak, too strong or appropriately firm and professional?
It is said the “eyes” speak for themselves. Western societies consider eye contact to imply empathy and an emotional connection. However, in Asia and the Middle East, keeping eye contact with someone of authority is considered rude; often eye contact is avoided as a sign of respect.
In western culture eye contact is considered the most powerful communication tool. It shows confidence, interest in the conversation taking place, and indicates involvement and attention to what is being said. Also it suggests truth, truthfulness and builds trust. Eye aversion, however, may indicate shame, deceiving, being untruthful or lying.
Eye contact balance is required, do not overdo it. Staring, makes people uncomfortable and could be interrupted that you are deceiving, being untruthful or lying. You do not have to maintain eye contact at all times, 30% to 60% of the time is good. Looking away when thinking or considering a problem is acceptable.
Crossing arms or legs while standing or sitting may indicate the other person is not open to what you are saying; or they may just be cold. We need to be careful in reading the “signals.” Psychologically when arms or legs are crossed the person is mentally, emotionally, or physically blocked off from what is in front of them. Remember: this is instinctive, not intentional, which is why it may be revealing.
When hands are clasped in front of a person, sitting at a table or desk, the person may feel insecure; have doubts or a negative feeling. It could also show stress about what they are hearing, or frustration, perhaps as the result of failing to convince another person their point of view. This is often misread as that person is being casual or in control. Steepling the hands, is when the palms of the hands face each other with just the fingertips touching (the fingers resemble a steeple). This conveys confidence, wisdom and could indicate positive agreement. It is also a gesture made when thinking or problem solving. Sometimes it indicates someone knows something that you do not.
A few other tips: keep your hands away from your face, rubbing your face or head is perceived as anxiety or being anxious. Fidgeting shows you are nervous, worried, tense and not confident. Hair play or hand wringing shows a lack of understanding of lack of confidence. Looking over one’s glasses intimidates everyone.
Signs of deceit, hiding something or lying may include: covering ones mouth or eyes with their hand; touching or scratching their nose; rubbing the eyes; scratching the head, neck or face. People touch their face 10 times more when uncomfortable or lying.
Understanding body language requires study, education and observation. One sign is not always conclusive, look for a combination of signals, or repetitive gestures and expressions before making conclusions.
Remember these concepts go both ways. What body language are you projecting?
Edward Smith, Jr., CREI, ITI, CIC, GREEN, MICP, CNE, is a commercial real estate consultant, instructor and broker at Smith Commercial Real Estate, Sandy Hook, CT.
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