There is one skill that can help you effectively stand up to a difficult broker or client. It can also help your self-esteem and positively impact both your income and happiness. It is assertiveness.

There are four ways to respond to a challenging person or situation: 

• • Submissiveness/passivity
• • Passive aggression
• • Aggression
• • Assertiveness

Submissive brokers avoid conflict and often fail to address issues. They keep the perception of peace but allow issues to fester as elephants remain in the room. They typically fail as brokers.

Passive-aggressive brokers express negative feelings indirectly through actions instead of words. This may include giving a partial effort or lack of responsiveness. They do not make great brokers.

Aggressive brokers often respond in a rude, obnoxious or hostile manner. Being aggressive allows your viewpoint to be heard but results in enemy creation and the inability to get things done.

Assertive brokers thrive, especially in ambiguous situations, are respectful and do not purposely or intentionally escalate situations. Assertiveness is a sign of confidence.

Assertiveness is necessary to manage client relationships, assignments and closings. However, being assertive is not easy and it is important to prepare for specific or general situations to make sure you handle them well.

Here are some tips to become more assertive:

Believe in your value

Brokers are the keys to deals so be firm, exhibit professional confidence and express yourself.

Control your emotions

Frustration, anger and disappointment can lead to emotional reactions that limit your effectiveness. Lack of emotional self-control is a sign of weakness; never speak or react emotionally.

Pick the right battles

It is not necessary to be assertive in all situations. Instead, know when to be assertive and when to hold your tongue. Many things can pass without the necessity of addressing them.

Rehearse

Plan out how you will open the conversation, transition to your main point and prepare to handle any specific objections and questions you might receive. Preparation will give you the confidence to execute.

Directly and

clearly address issues

If there is a problem it is important to address it directly. Lack of clarity will be viewed as aggressive, confused or misdirected. Take the time to frame your position with specificity, being conversational, unambiguous and direct.

Learn to say no

If you do not need to do something, you do not have to always accede to others. Saying “no” is a great way to take control.

Mark Schnurman is chief sales officer, principal at Eastern Consolidated, New York, N.Y.

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